On My Soap Box: Being a Team Parent

For the past couple of years, my family has been involved in team sports with our oldest son and this year brought  my middle son into the sports scene.  My husband has been a coach for many of the teams and I have come to some realizations this year about what it means to be a "good" team parent.  I have seen it from the perspective of a parent and also a coach and to be honest, there are some things that have pissed me off about parents on sports teams.

Now don't worry, I have my fair share of grips about coaches and for all my points below, I have a flip one about coaches as well. Let's talk about those next week.

Here we go...

1. Team sports are first and foremost about teaching teamwork, developing specific sports skills (catching a ball, kicking a soccer ball, etc), a healthy concept of competition and how to be a "good" winner or loser.  I have seen parents SCREAMING at their 8 year old because they didn't catch a baseball......are you for real!?!?!? What does that accomplish? And don't tell me that it motivates your kid...

2.Often times as the kids get older, the players with the better skills get more playtime and the "better" positions (quarterback, pitcher,etc). I am always impressed with a parent who has the guts to communicate with a coach about the fact that their kid wants to be able to play a different position or wants more play time.  But, the ironic thing, is that often times, the parents who are complaining have not brought their kids to the practices or don't practice with them at home.  Guess what ?  It shows.  My son is not good at pitching.  So, my husband does not play him in that position.  But, he practices with him at night, so that eventually he, perhaps, can pitch a game. The BOTTOM LINE:  Own your part of how well your child is doing.  Ask yourself this question: Have you done everything in your power to make your child successful on the field?  And, no, screaming or cussing at them is not what I mean.

3.  Thank your coach.  A lot.  There is a ton of behind the scenes meetings and work that goes into being a coach and making it all happen. Now for those of you who are saying right now, "But, my coach sucks!?"  Well, they still should be thanked.  Maybe just not a lot. And if it comes down to the fact that you feel your coach is regularly out of line (cussing at players, playing obvious favoritism to a select group of players, and my favorite, spitting at players...yes, i have seen it) then go to the upity ups. (ie the people in charge)  and file a complaint.

4.  When you paid for your kid to join a team sport, you also joined the team as well.  You need to "play your position" as well.  Show up for your snack stand duty, bring snack, bring your kid to the voluntary practices, read your emails from the coach THOROUGHLY! I can't tell you how many times my husband has sent out an email with game information and a parent has replied to that email asking a question that was answered in the first email. BOTTOM LINE:   Be an active participant of the team. And if you can't fulfill your part, let the coach know or get a replacement.

5.  Let your coach know early on if there is something special with your kid.  What do I mean by that?  Do they have an allergy?  Do they have a medical condition that the coach should be aware of?  Are they overly sensitive? Something that possibly could affect their success on the field.  My middle son has mild autism and often times people are not always sure "what is going on" with him.  He also has a severe nut allergy.  I always tell the coach early on about his autism, sensory needs, and allergy and how to handle them. Do I expect special treatment?  No, but by having passed on that information, it leads to the coach being able to work with my son in a more productive manner and my kid is more successful on the field.

6. Are you a "field (stage) dad or mom"?  Do you think your child is the next Tiger Woods or Mia Hamm?  The odds are that your child is not going to play sports professionally.  It is unfair to place that type of burden on your kids,the coaches, umpires and support staff. I get the idea of pushing your children to be the best they can be and helping them to follow a dream, but make sure that it is their dream, not yours.


Good, glad I got all that off my chest!  Now, lets play ball!